LoOk ArOuNd

look......
all around you
there it is
its always there
let it in
see it
feel it
its calling to you
feel it
touch it
taste it
smell it
hear it
the colors
they are all around you
hidden in everything you do
risen above the earths surface
breathe
look around
see it

its there

(photo credited to: http://bobwama.files.wordpress.com/)

ArT

As many of you know i love color....I wonder how you would know that. Anyway, I am taking art this semester and never liked to stray away from sketching. That was my domain...my comfort zone if you will. But being in art this year has made me think outside of the box and use color in my art.
so the piece above is actually my rough draft of a place matt that we are making. I never thought i would like abstract art. I found out that i love throwing paint around and seeing it form to its own ideas. There are no limits and no restrictions. No erasers, no sharperners. It makes me feel like im young again. The main reason why I used to sketch black and white is because i was always depressed and the black and white showed that more. The fact that I could use the absence of color to reflect perhaps the absence of other things in my life was appealing. But i now think that reguardless of what i have gone through color is always going to make things better.

In LoVe We TrUsT...maybe

You had my heart long ago.

we spent way too much time together,

the white winter soon consumed us in her dark hole.

and how we fell apart no one else knew.

little things annoyed me.

you challenged me at work,

and seemed to have a problem with letting me be.

i broke it off.

i couldnt take the pain.

to love someone who didnt understand.

and now your driving me insaine.

months went by and i got a new boy.

why is it that even when your gone, my mind you can toy?

i was with him for a week and you were on my mind often.

why did you have to come back into my life?

you went back to her.

she cheated on you.

but now its up to you.

i broke up with the sweetest kid in the world for you.

i still dont know what im going to do.

you came over that night and i needed closure.

but then as i walked you to the door you ruined everything.

you kissed me.

you kissed me with passion and force.

you stepped back,

i cried.

you left,

a part of me died.

you came back that night and woke me.

told me you loved me.

told me you were going to break up with her.

4 days later im sitting here like a fool.

you dont know how to break up with her.

i should have stayed away.

today is the day you have to end it.

if not then you lose me.

so i sit here thinking...

why is it that you never once broke down the walls i put up before?

why is it now that you understand that im putting these walls up to see if you care enough to break them down.

and thats what your doing.

your breaking them down.

im falling more in love with you everyday.

and im the one who is going to have to pay.

ScOuT ^-^

This weekend was one of the longest weekends i have had in a while. Not only was I stacked with homework, but I got a new addition to the family. Friday after school I was out with a friend and my dad called me around 4. He told me he had a present for me. I knew it was an animal or some sort because thats the only time he ever "had a present for me". So I asked him what it was and he said a baby kitten. He had been at work in Cannon Falls and heard a sqwaking noice coming from the corner of my uncle's shop. My dad went to go investigate and found 4 dead kittens and one alive one. He knew the mom wasnt coming back so he knew he had to do something. Therefore he put the little guy in a box with a blanket and brought him home to his daughter who adores kittens. So i get home and I was amazed at how tiny this guy was.He looked like a mouse. I instantly fell in love with this 2 day old baby kitten.He was all black with white paws and a strip of white across his pudgy face. I had to feed him by hand warm milk. He took it pretty well. Every hour I had to feed him. He was the noisiest kitty ever. I had to work early the next morning so i tried to get some sleep and failed miserably. Then after my 8 hour shift i came home to an energetic kitten crawling around. I had to work the next morning (sunday) at 4 which technically meant 3 because of the spring time change. Thank god my step sister asked if i would like her to take the little guy for the night. I said yes! i got plenty of sleep that night, worked my 10 hour shift and then came home.

My sister texted me and said she was going to drop my little Scout off. she also said he wasnt very loud or active at all. She got home and i saw him and almost cried. He was so skinny. He couldnt breath or lay straight. He kept falling to the side.. he began to get stiff. and then i watched him take one final breath and then nothing.... scout died in my hands and I couldnt help but be sad. That I got so attached to this kitten, and then he just died. But at the same time i was happy because i knew that because of me he lived 2 more days than he would have at the shop.

SeNiOr PiCtUrEs

So my sister, Brittni, and myself decided to do our own senior pictures this summer. We didnt have any money. But we did have boredom mixed with time and a camera. Also we had an acre of beautiful land at our footsteps. We each found a cheap dress for under 10 dollars and did our makeup and hair. We then set out to the beautiful horse pasture of her fathers house. The day was beautiful. Not like most would think. It was cloudy and warm. There was a breeze that was perfect to cool you down. We walked down to the creek and took many photos standing in the warm water. We also loved all the trees. We actually climbed on some trees and posed on branches in a dress. This was difficult but amazingly fun to do! We had so many pictures by the time we were done. We didnt edit a single photo. We didnt want to alter the truth. The beauty of the day and that we, as sisters, were part of this memory. The photos are beautiful. Im not talking about us in them. Im talking about the way nature was captured. Its greens and browns surrounding us in the shady day. That was the best day i had of the summer.

Barbra

Barb...
I miss her. She was like my grandma. She was my sister’s grandma and I went over to her house every weekend. She was younger too. I would go over there every weekend and we would eat delicious food that I never got at home; simple things like milk and chicken noodle soup. She was the sweetest and most strict woman I ever knew. She was strong. Not in the aspect of strength but in will. She worked harder than any person I ever knew. She taught me how to stretch a dollar. She taught me the meaning of love and respect and that everything I had been growing up with was wrong. She guided me. She bought me things that my family wouldn’t such as clothes and tooth paste. She was always there to correct my grammar and my posture and my manners. I became myself because of her. I was in 3rd grade when I got the call from my step sister who was also in 3rd grade that Bard was passed out in the bathroom and there was blood everywhere. I was too young to understand what it all meant. But the next day she was diagnosed with cancer. It spread. She stayed strong. She never let anything bring her down. She started chemo and her hair fell out. She just wore bright colored bandanas…These always made me smile because she was a grandma wearing bright colored things on her head. She never let anything stop her. I miss her. About a year later barb passed away. She was the closest thing I ever had to a mother. I have never let myself think about her and put my feelings out there. So I’m sitting here at the computer crying. No one will ever truly understand how strong this woman was and what she accomplished in her life. She died at age 56 and I will never forget her.

DaRkNeSs

All her fears through the years
were because of you, and why?
Few hardly knew.

Darkness surrounded her that night,
as she lay there in terrible fright.
You were drunk as you dont recall,
now she cant look at you, not at all.

Years went by and not a sole knew,
knew what you put her through.
She no longer wanted to be around you,
But what was she to do?

When someone simply touches her shoulder,
she has an instant flashback to all the pain you caused her.
She kept this secret for a while,
and now she can barely smile.

You were a family friend,
and sadly that has to end.

She finally found the courage to speak.
Everything was a blur that week.

She cant stand to see you yet.
And im guessing its going to be a while i bet.

Maybe she will find it in her heart to forgive you,
for all the things you put her through.

I know this because i am that girl.
I blame myself for what happened that night,
and for that i hate you.....

(photo credited to: www.masterprophetblog)

A DoZeN rOsEs

So theres this boy (And yes, this post is going to seem cheesy and romantic so if thats not what you want to read, stop reading now). His name is Brian and he goes to century. We met through close friends and hung out all over the weekend. We hit it off. He likes all the things i do; fishing, camping, sports. We have been talking for a week straight through texting and we see eachother almost every other day. One thing that shocked me was the event that occured last night when he came to pick me up at home. I was waiting for him and i was very nervous. I walked out when he pulled in our very small driveway. My step sister in tow heading to her jeep to go to work. I said good bye to her and open his car door. i looked down on the seat to find a dozen red roses waiting for me. I got in and he asked me if i would go out with him :) I said yes. Im a girl, and i usually hate all the mushy, gooey stuff. But i have never once recieved a flower from a boy before. I must say that i really loved the feeling. That night i put the 12 beautiful red roses in a vase on my desk in my room. They were the last thing i saw when i went to bed and the first thing my eyes layed apon when i woke. I guess i do like roses after all.

(photo credited to www.flowers-for-all)

The Color of War

The telephone slips out of her hand,

as she feels she can no longer stand.

The sweet morning air kisses her cheek,

as she falls to the ground and begins to weep.

The pain inside consumes her being,

as tears fill her eyes and her chest begins heaving.

Her tears fall to the ground,

and she is suddenly deaf to every sound.

Her little girl,

too young to understand,

walks over to her mommy and takes her hand.

Her pride and joy,

not a day over three,

looks at her mom and whispers, "you okay mommy?"

Her head begins to swarm as she tries to explain what happened to her father.

Her little girls eyes fill with tears,

as she finally understand what it is she hears.

She wraps her arms around her baby girl,

as her head begins to whirl.

She rocks the little one in her arms,

trying to keep the only thing she has left safe from any harm.

She looks to the sky,

no longer denying the pain inside,

and tries to cope with the fact,

that her husband isnt coming back.

He'll never have his only child to hold,

to love, to hug, and watch grow old.

All because he was a soldier in Iraq ,

who honored his country enough to fight back.

(photo credited to www.army.mil)